So here I am at 3 AM, watching QVC. Like a stay at home mom. Anyways, I am laying in bed with my boyfriend and baby at each side. Thinking there are so many things I want to do in my life but I am also scared. First of all I am supposed to get up at 9 AM to start training for a part-time job that I will be working for 2 days a week. I want to start this blog and connect with anyone who is going through the same things I am but I feel like I wont be successful and it will be a waste of time. I want to start a small shop online where I sell shirts and my goal is to give a portion of the proceeds to charities. I want to start college and get a degree in business administration. BUT I am going through PPD/PPOCD and some anxiety. This stops me from making my dreams come true. This is what stops me from going out with my family and having fun. This is what makes me feel like a bad mom. This is what is going on in the back of my head when someone thinks that I have an attitude or seem down. It has been a hard road but I have the Lord our God to thank. I have been going through a path to have a relationship in God. I don't feel my best right now but I am so thankful for the past weeks where I am able to live my life without worry 24/7. Thank you God for everything that you have given me even though sometimes I don't realize it. Thank you for putting me through this because at the end I know it will bring me closer to you and make me a stronger person. I am a bit scared to admit it because for some reason I feel that if I say it, I will start to feel bad but I am no longer worried. I am starting to feel like my old self again. Thank you Jesus.